Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Thanks to juliegirl18 for beta'ing for me. Thanks to Bella's Executioner and sariedee for both being such awesome pre-readers.
Remember the warning from before.
I had a real problem. It was called foot-in-mouth disease. I rarely thought about what was coming out of my mouth before I spoke. I knew the minute I got upstairs that what I said to Bella was fucking harsh. She probably expected it of me by now, but what I said was plain mean.
To be honest, she shocked me. I had no clue that she was adopted, and I sure as hell had no clue about her parents being murdered. I knew it was stupid for me to think that she was saying that shit just to get to me, but I had never had anyone get under my skin like that. From the moment I met Bella, she had me agitated, yet interested.
Before even stepping foot in my bedroom, I turned around and slowly made my way downstairs. I knew I needed to apologize to her. It wasn't the first time and I was positive it wouldn't be the last. I just hoped she stuck around despite my attitude. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I could hear Emmett in the living room speaking with someone.
"I didn't mean to upset him," she said. I peaked around the corner and saw Bella sitting on the couch with Emmett beside her. He reached over and patted her shoulder as she wiped the tears away from her cheeks. How many times had I made her cry already? How many more times would it happen? I silently lowered myself down and sat on the bottom step.
"It's alright. He'll take a few minutes to cool off and be back to his old, adorable self in no time," Emmett said, trying to make light of the situation. He probably knew that better than anyone else. I couldn't count the number of times I had blown up at him over the years.
"What can I do?" she asked. I didn't know how I felt about her actually wanting to help after what I'd said to her. Anyone else probably would have been running away, but not this girl.
"There's nothing you can do. Most people would say to just be there for him, but if I know Edward, the last thing he wants right now is for anyone to be around him. It's just the way he's always been. It may be an hour, it may be a day or so, but I'm sure he'll come find you when he's ready," he told her as they both stood up from the couch.
"Well, I guess I'm gonna head out then. Just let him know I'm sorry, okay?" she said as she walked toward the front door with Emmett following behind her.
"You should tell him yourself, but I'll let him know," he said before shutting the door behind her. He turned around and looked directly at me sitting on the steps. I was surprised that Bella hadn't spotted me when she walked into the entryway, but I guess her mind was on other things.
"How much did ya' hear?" Emmett asked me as he sat down on the step beside me.
"Most of it, I think," I told him honestly. I was pretty sure I had caught their whole conversation, tears and all.
"You really hurt her feelings, man. She had no idea about what happened and you just blew the fuck up at her," he said, angrily. I snapped my head up and looked him dead in the eyes.
"You think I don't know that shit? I knew I fucked up so I came down here to apologize to her, but I heard you guys talking. I figured she'd rather talk to you than me so I sat here and waited," I told him.
"You mean you eavesdropped," he said, laughing a little. I shrugged my shoulders. "You really need to tell her. She just wants to be your friend."
"What if I don't want her to be my friend?" I asked him quietly, knowing deep down it was a complete lie.
"That's just it. I think you do want her to be your friend and that scares the shit out of ya," he said before standing up, clapping me on the shoulder and walking upstairs. I sat there for a little bit and thought about what Emmett said.
I did want Bella to be my friend and he was right, it did scare the shit out of me. I knew that I needed someone other than my 'family' to talk to and Bella seemed like the perfect person. She knew more about the shit I had been through than probably anyone else I knew.
I made the short walk up the stone path and stepped onto the porch. It had taken me five minutes to walk over to Bella's house, but I stood on the sidewalk in front of her house for fifteen minutes trying to talk myself into coming this far.
I knocked on the door and stepped back, waiting for someone to open it. No longer than a few seconds later the door opened and revealed Rose.
"Hey, is Bella here?" I asked her, hoping she wouldn't ask any questions and just let her know I was here. She eyed me up and down before shaking her head.
"No, she's not here," she told me.
"Oh, okay then," I said before turning around and walking back down the doorsteps. I was on the final step when I heard Rose speak again.
"But I'm pretty sure if you look next door, you'll find her down the path in the backyard," she said as she pointed at the house on the right. I looked over at the house and back at Rose in question.
"It was the house she grew up in. She begged our parents not to sell it and they didn't. She sometimes goes over there when she needs to think," she said before stepping back inside and shutting the door.
I took a deep breath and walked through the wooden fence that led to the backyard of the house Bella grew up in. It was a small house, perfect for a small family. I could almost picture a younger Bella playing in the backyard.
I spotted the worn path Rose had spoke of and made my way a little deeper into the woods. After a few minutes I came upon a clearing and slowly walked a little closer. Bella was sitting on a large rock to the side of the clearing, looking down at the flowers that grew around her.
"I know you're there," she spoke, scaring the fuck out of me.
"Shit! You scared me," I said as I walked to stand beside her.
"What can I do for you, Edward?" she asked as I took a seat beside her.
"I'm sorry," I blurted out. Bella looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "What I said to you back at my house was pretty damn harsh. I shouldn't have done that." I looked back down at my lap as she continued to fiddle with the weeds around her feet. I knew I needed to share my story with her and what better time than now. It would be the first time I shared my story with anyone other than family, policemen or doctors.
"When I was ten years old my father murdered my mother and then shot himself in the head. He came and got me out of my room and asked me to follow him into their bedroom. I walked into the bedroom and he had my mom sitting in a chair in the middle of the floor. He kept saying shit about her taking me away from him, not letting him see me, which was absolute shit because I hardly ever saw my father anyway. He pulled a small handgun from the back of his pants and started waving it in the air. He scared the fuck out of me. My father was never violent toward me. Yeah, he and my mom had their fair share of fights, but he'd never done anything like that before, at least, not that I knew of."
"He looked at me and told me to tell my mother goodbye. I looked at him for a second and then walked over to my mother and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I just figured they were gonna go out or something. I mean, I was ten years old. What kid is gonna believe that their father could do something like that? Anyway, after I kissed her and told her I loved her, I sat down on the floor by her feet. I looked up at my father just as he raised the gun and pulled the trigger. I felt the blood splatter across my face and watched my mother's body fall to the floor in front of me. I looked up at my father then and watched him put the gun to his temple and pull the trigger. His body slumped to the floor too and I just sat there. I have no idea how long I sat there, covered in my mother's blood and my hand resting on her back."
"My father was sick. I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. He was diagnosed as being bi-polar. Before we left Chicago I was diagnosed with the same thing. That's why I said it wasn't safe for us to be friends, Bella. I don't think you should want to be around me. I'm just trying to make sure you don't get hurt."
I finally looked up from the ground, only to find Bella watching me intently. She slowly lifted her hand and brought it over to mine that was resting on my thigh. She flipped my hand over and locked our fingers together tightly.
"Why don't you let me make that decision, Edward? I want to be your friend," she said, smiling. I let out a breath and smiled at her.
"Good, because I don't think I have the strength to stay away from you anymore," I told her as she continued to grip my hand tightly in hers.