When Bella and Edward come together, both having pasts filled with hurt and despair, what can they really expect?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Chapter Twenty

Same disclaimer as usual...I own nothing.

Thanks to my beta and my prereaders. This story wouldn't be what it is without you guys.

Bella and I worked together in the kitchen as she fixed her lasagna. She said it was a recipe that Mrs. Hale had told her that her mother loved to make. She did most of the cooking, and I pretty much just kept her company while she ordered me to grab whatever she needed at the moment.

Almost as soon as Bella had dinner out of the oven, there was a knock at the door. Bella finished making the salad while I finished setting the table before walking over to answer the door.

"Hey man. What's up?" Emmett asked as he walked inside. We tried to talk at least once a week, but sometimes it was hard to catch one another. Rose walked in behind him and leaned over to hug me in greeting.

"Not much," I said as Jasper walked in, followed by Alice. I was glad that they had stuck together. Alice might be a little spitfire, but even she needs someone to watch her back sometimes.

"Miss you," Alice whispered in my ear as she hugged me tightly. Alice was the one family member that I didn't really need to try and keep in touch with. She had a way of knowing when I needed to talk to her and when I needed her to back off. We had grown close over the past few years.

Bella came out of the kitchen as everyone was going into the living room. She practically threw herself into my sister's arms. They didn't get to see each other as much as they used to now that Alice and Jasper were living in Los Angeles. Alice was interning with some high society fashion designer while Jasper was working on his music.

"Oh my God!" I heard Bella scream and turned around quickly to see what the fuck was going on. I would have to have been blind to have not seen the rock that was now resting on my sister's left hand.

"I know! I've known all week and been dying to tell you, but she made me promise," Rose said as she joined the girls. They all laughed and hugged as they admired the diamond.

"Come on and help me plate the food. You can tell me all about how he proposed," Bella said as she dragged my sister and Rose into the kitchen with her. Emmett and Jasper walked closer to me as the girls exited the room.

"Congratulations man. I'm happy for ya. I guess Bella and I are next," I told him, laughing a bit as I gave him a quick hug. Rose and Emmett had already been married for a year. I figured that Jasper and Alice would be next. Emmett and Jasper eyed me closely.

"Are you really?" Emmett asked me. I frowned a bit and wondered where he was headed with the question.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I guess," I told them as I rubbed the back of my neck nervously. It was true. I did want to marry Bella. I wanted her to be my wife. It was just that sometimes I felt like I didn't deserve her. I didn't think I was good enough for her, nor would I ever be enough for her.

"It's just that you guys have been together for a while. I just figured it would have happened by now is all," Emmett said as he clapped me on the back and went in search of food. Jasper shrugged his shoulders and walked behind Emmett.

What the fuck? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

I spent the entire meal lost in my thoughts. I kept repeating what Emmett had said to me and that casual shoulder shrug of Jasper's. Did everyone expect me to have already proposed to Bella by now? Did Bella expect me to have already proposed by now? Should I have already proposed by now?

By the time dinner was over, I was a sweating nervous mess. I was breathing heavily and lightheaded. I had spent the entire meal conjuring up horrible images in my mind, mostly of Bella leaving me because she had decided I wasn't serious enough about her.

Emmett and Jasper had both gone into the living room to watch some television while the girls helped Bella clean the kitchen. I was left alone, as always, sitting at the table. After I calmed down and told myself that I was crazy for ever thinking Bella would do something like leave me for that reason, I walked toward the kitchen to check on her.

As I got closer, I could hear the girls all talking quietly. They rarely had the chance to catch up alone, so they were definitely taking the opportunity to do so now. I should have done the right thing and walked away to give them their privacy, but when had I ever done the right thing?

"So, how have you guys been doing?" I heard Rose ask. I heard Bella sigh like she always did when she was frustrated by something. It was funny how I could tell how she was feeling without even actually seeing her.

"We're fine, Rose. He's fine," Bella told her. I should have known what Rose was really asking. She'd been against me for quite a while after the stunt I had pulled before going into treatment. I thought I had finally won her over, but maybe I hadn't at all. I creeped up a little further so that I could actually see the girls as they talked.

"But how are you doing, sweetie?" Alice asked her as she touch Bella's shoulder. Now was one of the times I needed Alice to back off, but she clearly wasn't sensing that at the moment. I could see the tension in Bella's body as she fought to not snap at her friends.

"I said I was fine," Bella told them both as she turned back around toward the sink. I knew she was lying. She was fidgeting with the kitchen towel and when Bella was fidgeting, she was lying. After a few seconds of quiet, Rose finally asked what she really wanted to ask her the entire time.

"So why hasn't be proposed yet?" she asked Bella. My sister gave Rose a harsh look and I heard Bella gasp slightly. I didn't think either Rose or Alice had caught that though. She turned around and faced them as she spoke. I could see the fierce determination in her eyes. I didn't know whether she was trying to make them believe what she was saying or trying to convince herself.

"I know that he loves me. I don't need some damn diamond on my finger to prove that. We're just not there yet," she said before turning back around to face the sink. Realizing they had overstepped and wouldn't get her to open up anymore, Rose and Alice walked out the door on the opposite side of the room and headed toward the living room.

I stood quietly in the hallway and watched my girl. Bella's hands gripped the side of the sink so harshly that her knuckles were turning white. I looked up from her hands to the back of her head. She dropped her chin down to her chest and her whole form began to shake. She tried to hide the sob that fought to escape her mouth, but I heard it.

She was crying.


She was sobbing.

I'd hurt her, yet again.

Would there ever be a time in our lives when I didn't hurt her?

We were actually in a good place right now, but I still made her cry.

I fought back the urge to walk into the room and pull her into my arms and beg for her forgiveness, but I knew that wasn't what she needed right now. What she needed was for me to grow the fuck up. I needed to get over my goddamn issues and move on.

I just needed to figure out exactly how to go about doing that.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Chapter Nineteen

Same Disclaimer.

Thanks to my beta and prereaders.

Back to Edward now...

5 years ago


Everyone always said that absence made the heart grow fonder. After being apart from Bella for months while I was in the treatment facility, I had to agree with that sentiment. I had thought I was in love with her back in high school, but clearly, I knew nothing.

When I was released, it was definitely rough on both of us for a while. But I had never been more in love with her than the day I walked out of that dull, boring building and saw her standing there by Carlisle. It was like she was glowing. Everything in that damned building had been dull and lifeless, and seeing her again brought the color and life back into me. Corny, yes, but absolutely true.

I could still remember how desperate her voice was during our first conversation alone after I got home.

We walked hand in hand up to my room. Carlilse and Esme said that we had time before dinner was ready and I wanted to spend a little alone time with my girl. I hadn't been alone with her for months.

We stepped inside my room and I shut the door behind us. Bella stood in front of me, her back facing me. I walked toward her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She spun around to me and tears were falling down her face.

"You can't do that. You can't do that to me ever again. I can't be away from you like that. You can't leave me. You can't leave me all alone," she said as her body began to tremble. I knew that what I'd done had affected Bella deeply, but to see it with my own eyes was heartbreaking. I felt my eyes fill with tears as I reached my hands up and gripped her face between them.

"Never again," I told her as she closed her eyes tightly and shook her head. I ran my thumbs under her eyes and captured the falling tears.

"Never again, baby," I said as I leaned my head forward and rested my forehead against hers. I kept whispering to her over and over how sorry I was. She finally opened her eyes and looked into mine.

"I can't survive without you," she whispered to me. I bent my head down and kissed her gently.

"You won't have to," I said before pulling her face to mine and kissing her more passionately. I felt her hands run along my shoulders before she ran them through my hair and gripped it tightly in her fists.

"God, I've missed you so much," I said as I pulled away from her mouth and began to kiss along her neck. She tilted her head to the side to allow me better access and I smiled. I ran my hands down her back and placed them on her ass, lifting her. She wrapped her legs around me as I walked us over to my bed. I laid her down gently and removed the shoes from her feet as I toed mine off as well.

"Edward, your parents are right downstairs," she said, not even bothering to act like she wanted me to stop. I reached a hand behind my back and pulled my shirt off before quickly working on my pants and boxers.

She sighed and began pulling her clothing off right along with me. I smiled widely at her as she laid naked before me on my bed.

"We have to be quick," she whispered as I crept up over her body. I laughed a little and she eyed me suspiciously.

"Oh don't worry. I'm sure it's gonna be over pretty damn quick. It has been a while, ya' know?" She blushed slightly and I couldn't help but run the back of my knuckles over the pink skin. I ran my other hand down her body until I came to her pussy. She was already so wet for me and my fingers entered her easily.

"I've missed you so much, baby," she said as more tears filled her eyes and fell down her cheeks. I removed my hands from her heat and lined myself up with her center.

"Don't worry, baby. I'm here now, and I'll never leave you again," I said before I thrust deeply inside her. Once I was surrounded all the way by her, I had to remain still, scared that I would blow my load before I even moved again.

"Fuck. You feel so goddamn good," I moaned as I pulled out of her and pushed my cock into her again.

"Oh God, Edward," she moaned as her nails ran down my back. I could feel the sting as she broke the skin, but didn't give a fuck. She could mark me as hers all she wanted because it was true.

I continued to thrust deeply into her until I felt the tingling in my balls signaling I was about to be finished. I placed my hand between us and began to rub tight circles around her clit.

"You gotta come for me, baby. I'm not gonna last much longer," I told her as she opened her eyes and looked straight at me. I continued to rub her as neither of us broke our connection.

Finally, I felt her pussy clamp down around me as her mouth opened in a silent scream. I thrust a couple more times before I held my cock deeply inside her as I came hard.

My body gave out as I fell forward, careful to not fall on top of her. She turned over and placed her head on my chest and kissed me gently over my heart.

"I love you," she said quietly.

"I love you too," I whispered.

Since that day, Bella and I hadn't been apart for long at all. Neither one of us could handle it. Bella went to her classes during the day and worked at a part time job on the days she had free. She'd decided that she wanted to be an elementary teacher just like her mother.

I decided against actually attending college and chose to just take a few classes on line. I didn't think I could handle the pressure of an actual college campus. Call me a pussy, but I didn't want to put myself at risk for a relapse with the drugs and alcohol.

When I wasn't doing course work, I was writing. I had found that writing was actually something I really enjoyed doing. Over the years I'd even had a few freelance magazine articles published. While it wasn't a full fledged writing career, it was a start.

To make a more steady income without the worry of my medical history coming in to play, I alternated between helping Carlisle out at his office or helping Esme make deliveries. It wasn't a career that I could be proud of, but it helped Bella out. She didn't have to be worried about working two jobs after taking classes all day. She could concentrate on making good grades and getting her teaching degree.

I decided to shut down my laptop when I heard her keys in the door. Bella and I had moved into our own apartment a couple of years ago. Carlisle and Esme had offered to help us out, but it was something we wanted to do on our own. She walked inside the apartment with her arms full of grocery bags. I rushed over to help her as she shut the door behind her.

"What's all this?" I asked her as I took a few bags from her arms. She huffed a little as she began to put the things away. I had a feeling I should probably know the answer to this one, but at the moment my mind was blank.

"I told you the other day, Edward. Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper are all coming over for dinner tonight," she said as she turned around to face me.

"Oh, okay," I said, leaning over to kiss her quickly. She eyed me suspiciously before frowning slightly.

"That's okay, right?" she asked me. She knew me well enough to know that I was uncomfortable around them at times, but I also knew her well enough to know that this would make her happy. I loved my family to death, but I hated when they came around. I felt like I was never good enough around them. But if it would make Bella happy to entertain them in our home, then that was something I would do for her. Hell, I'd do anything for her.

"It's fine, baby. Anything I can do to help?"

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Chapter Eighteen

Same Disclaimer.

Thanks to my beta and my prereaders.

Today we have another look at what Bella is up to...


I walked into the apartment, the lock working the first time, surprisingly. Today had turned out to be a very good day. I'd gotten up early enough this morning so that I had time to run by the coffee shop and grab a green tea latte. I had only cried once, and for the first time in a long time they were happy tears. Everything had been going good lately and I didn't have much to complain about.

I smiled as I walked across the floor and sat my purse on the kitchen table. I hadn't stopped smiling for hours. I pulled the small piece of paper out of my purse and smoothed it out on the counter. I ran my finger across the image and smiled again.

Walking over to the refrigerator, I put the paper against the surface and affixed it with a small magnet. I knew that if I stuck it there, it would be the first thing he would see. I wanted it to be the first thing he would see.

I opened up the freezer and pulled out a small carton of ice cream. After grabbing a spoon, I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. I really didn't see the need to put the ice cream in a bowl. It was all mine, and I figured I'd end up eating what was left in one sitting anyway.

After finishing my ice cream, I grabbed my journal from the coffee table and began to write about what happened today. Over the past couple of weeks, I'd begun to record pretty much anything that happened in my life. I didn't want him to miss anything. He needed to know.

Some might call me stupid for even wanting him to come back, but I couldn't help it. We'd been through so much together and we would get through this too. I loved him and I always would.

I finished up my entry and closed the book, placing it back on the table. I grabbed the other paper I had taken from my purse and held it in my hand as I made myself comfortable on the couch. I covered myself with the throw from the back of the couch and laid down, closing my eyes. I held the paper to my chest, over my heart, and began to hum.

Everything would be alright. Everything would be just fine. It had to be.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Chapter Seventeen

Same Disclaimer. Thanks to the usual suspects. This story wouldn't be half of what it is if it weren't for them. Thanks again guys. ILY.


I hated this place.

I really hated this place.

I fucking hated this place with the fire of a thousand suns.

I know, very dramatic of me, but it was the truth. I knew I was here for a good reason. I needed help, and I freely admitted that to Carlisle when he picked me up that day at Garrett's house. I admitted to him that I had stopped taking my meds and that I had been drinking heavily and getting high. The look he gave me was one I would never forget. He looked so disappointed in me as he closed his eyes and sighed loudly.

But just because I was here voluntarily didn't mean I couldn't hate it, because believe me, I did. I couldn't stand having someone tell me when to wake up, which by the way was six o'clock in the morning every single fucking day. We didn't get to sleep in on the weekends or when we had trouble falling asleep the night before, which tended to happen a lot due to the screamers that resided here.

I definitely didn't like being told I could have only this or that to eat for the day. What if I wanted something else? What if I wanted to call in some Chinese food or a pizza? The food was shitty enough as it was, but not giving me a choice in the matter sucked even worse.

I didn't like someone passing out medicine to me in little plastic cups and standing over me like a hawk to make sure I took it. I knew some people in here are here due to suicide attempts, but believe me, I'm not that fucked up. I just wanted a little privacy sometimes and that definitely wasn't happening here.

Most of all I fucking hated that I couldn't talk to Bella any time I wanted to. I missed being able to pick up the phone and hear her voice. I missed being able to tell her I loved her every night before she fell asleep. I just missed her period.

She'd only been to see me one time and while I loved seeing her, I hated the way she looked at me. I could see the pity written all over her face. I knew I had fucked up in a major way, but I hated seeing the disappointment on her face and I hated her seeing me here, surrounded by all these crazy people.

I actually made Carlisle promise me the last time he was here that he wouldn't bring her back. I explained to him that I didn't want her here, surrounded by all this, even if it was for only a short hour on Sundays. He finally consented and told me that he would make something up about only family being allowed because she would sure as hell put up a damn fight.

I walked down the stale, white hallway headed toward the common room where we gathered for weekly family visits. Another thing I hated was that we weren't trusted enough to meet with our family in our own rooms. We had to do it out in the open with everyone around.

I spotted Carlisle sitting at a small table in the corner and swiftly made my way over to him. He stood when he saw me approaching and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Good to see you, son," he said as we both sat down. He pushed a small container toward me and I lifted the lid and smiled widely. It was Bella's chocolate chip cookies.

"How'd she take it?" I asked him as I took a bite of one of the cookies.

"She was pretty upset at first, but I told her that they were only allowing family to visit you for now. I didn't tell her that she could never visit you because I am hoping you'll change your mind about that part," he said as he looked at me sadly.

"I'm not gonna change my mind," I said, harshly. "I don't want her here around this shit. It's not that I don't want to see her, it's just that I hate for her to see me like this. I wanna get better before I see her again." After a few minutes of silence, Carlisle finally spoke again.

"How are you sleeping at night?" he asked me. The last time Carlisle was here I told him I couldn't sleep because of all the people screaming during the night. Really, I couldn't sleep because the nightmares were back.

Every night when I fell asleep, I found myself back in my old house in Chicago. I sat on the floor with blood covering my hands. My mother laid beside me and my father across from me, both with gunshot wounds to the head. I would scream and scream, but no one could hear me. When I wake up in the mornings my voice is hoarse. I had a feeling that I was one of the screamers.

"It's getting better," I said, lying to him. I knew that if I didn't lie to him, he'd go back home and tell Esme, and then I'd have yet another person worrying about me.

We shared the bowl of cookies and talked a little more about nothing of importance. All too soon the hour was up and Carlisle hugged me again promising me that Esme would see me next week. Since only one visitor at a time was allowed, another stupid rule of this place, they decided they would trade off weeks.

"Can you just tell her I love her, please?" I told him before he walked away. I didn't need to explain to him who I meant. I'd had this request every single time before he left. I knew I didn't need to remind him, but I still did it anyway. He nodded sadly at me and gave me one final hug before leaving me here, all alone again.


I sat up in the middle of the small twin bed, sweat drenching my entire body. I tried to calm my breathing as I focused on my surroundings. I wasn't there. They weren't here.

I'd had the dream again. Every night it always ended the same way. I would be sitting on the floor screaming my head off for someone to help me, but no one would come. I had no idea if this was some sort of repressed memory or what. I didn't remember screaming or anything, but I was only ten years old.

I laid back down on the bed and tried to fall asleep again. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, I realized it was useless. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I needed.

I needed Bella.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Chapter Sixteen

Same Disclaimer...I own nothing.

Thanks to all the usual people. I couldn't do this without them.

And to let everyone know, I officially finished the last chapter of this story last night. So, you don't have to worry about me not finishing it. It's done already, just needs to be beta'd and posted.


I laid on the couch, my eyes drooping lazily as I watched the ceiling fan spin round and round. The air around me was thick and smoky, and to be honest, something around me smelled. It could possibly have been me.

I had no idea how long I'd been here. When I left Bella's yesterday...the day before...last week... I had no idea where I was going. I just knew that I needed to get away from there fast. I didn't need Carlisle seeing me the way I was and I knew that was exactly who she was on the phone with when I ran off.

I drove until I reached Garrett's house. I worked with him at the local hardware store and I knew that no one in my life knew about him or where he lived. Neither Carlisle nor Bella would be able to find me here. I'd be safe until I could straighten myself out.

As soon as I stepped inside Garrett's house he could tell something was up with me. I told him that I needed somewhere to stay for a while and he graciously offered me the couch, along with all the alcohol and weed I could stomach. While I had dabbled in the heavier drugs while in Chicago, I knew that I definitely didn't want to go back down that road again, so I stuck with weed and liquor.

From somewhere in the room I heard my phone go off. I groaned as I sat up slowly, my body sore from being in the same position for God knows how long.

"You gonna get that?" I heard Garrett say from the chair in the corner. I stood up from the couch and stretched, scratching my naked torso and wondering where the hell my shirt was.

"Hell no," I told him. My phone had been constantly ringing or beeping as texts came through. All of them were either from Carlisle and Esme or Bella. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to Bella. I just had no clue what to say to her.

"I'm sorry I accused you of cheating on me."

"I'm sorry I kicked you out of my car in the pouring rain."

For some reason I didn't see that going over too well. And I knew what Carlisle wanted. He wanted to take me to some fucking treatment facility where they could 'fix' me.

I slowly made my way toward the bathroom down the hall, stepping over half full liquor bottles and crushed beer cans. I had no idea how Garrett lived like this all the time, but I knew I needed to leave soon.

I shut the door to the bathroom behind me and pissed like I hadn't done it for days. When I had finished washing my hands, I looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror. I had dark purple bags on the skin under my eyes and they were bloodshot. I was sure that it had been only a few days at the most, but it actually looked like I'd lost weight. Of course, since stopping the meds I hadn't been really eating much or taking care of myself.

I bent over and splashed some water on my face before walking out the door and into the hallway. When I sat down on the couch to let Garrett know I was going to head out, I suddenly felt a hand slide up my thigh.

I jumped back and eyed the girl next to me. She had blonde hair and was wearing a very familiar shirt. As a matter of fact, the only thing it looked like she was wearing was said shirt.

"Hey you," she said as she leaned toward me. I slid further over to the arm of the couch, letting her hand fall from my thigh. I furiously fan my hands through my hair, trying to figure out just what the fuck had happened.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I said, slapping my forehead with the palm of my hand. I closed my eyes and tried to remember anything about the previous night.

I slouched back on the couch and took another gulp of the liquor from the bottle in my hand. I welcomed the burn as it coated my throat.

Garrett had just walked back to his bedroom with some girl he invited over. She came with a friend. I had no idea where that girl disappeared to. I just knew that I was alone in here, sitting on the couch, drowning my sorrows in copious amounts of alcohol.

I took another gulp of liquor and threw my head back on the couch, closing my eyes. I suddenly heard footsteps coming into the room. I opened my eyes and lifted my head to see who had entered.

"Hey there," she said as she walked toward me...completely naked. I groaned loudly and threw my hand over my eyes. Bella and I might have been arguing or whatever, but there was no way in hell I was gonna get blamed for this shit. I'd never cheat on her, that much I knew.

I reached over to the side of the couch and grabbed the shirt I had discarded earlier and threw it at the girl.

"Put this on and leave me the fuck alone," I told her as I stood up and walked out to the front porch.

"Thank God," I muttered to myself. I knew that I would never cheat on Bella, but who knows what they'll do when they're drunk and high off their ass.

"What's wrong? You didn't think you'd actually fucked her did you?" Garrett asked me, laughing. I turned to him and shrugged my shoulders as the girl walked out of the room, probably to find her friend.

"Nah, man. I knew you'd never forgive yourself if something like that happened, so I made her leave you alone. You don't need any more shit piling up on you," he said as he stood up. The two girls had come into the living room ready to leave and he walked them to the door.

While he was outside, I grabbed a clean shirt from Garrett's closet and took a quick shower. I knew that something like last night was bound to happen again if I stayed here, so I needed to leave.

"Where ya' headed?" Garrett asked me as I headed back into the living room.

"I guess I'm gonna go into work. I'm pretty sure I'm scheduled to work today. At least I think I am," I told him, laughing a bit. Honestly, I had no idea if I was supposed to work today or not. Hell, I had no idea what today even was.

"Ummm, yeah, about that," he said as he ran his hand nervously through his hair. "You got fired yesterday. You hadn't been in for a few days and they just told me to tell you not to come back."

"Fuck!" I should have known this shit would happen. I'd probably never be able to find another job. I had a hard enough time finding that one. No one really wanted to hire a high school graduate with absolutely no experience and no further education.

"And your dad stopped by the store too. He wanted to know if anyone had seen you. They told him that you'd been staying with me," he said apologetically. I groaned and wanted to slam my head against the wall over and over. This was exactly what I needed. Carlisle would probably arrive at any moment and whisk me off to somewhere I never wanted to be again.

But I knew that even though I never wanted to go back there, I needed help. I couldn't live like this anymore. It was a big mistake stopping those pills before I was ready. I shouldn't have quit cold fucking turkey. I should have weaned myself off them gradually. I knew better though. Next time, I'd get it right.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and I could almost bet who it was behind it. Garrett walked over to the door and opened it, allowing whoever it was to step inside.

"I'm just gonna head in to work and let you guys talk," he said as Carlisle walked around the corner. "Just make sure you lock up before you leave."

We stood awkwardly together in the room for a few minutes, neither one of us speaking. I finally spoke the only words I knew to say, but knowing full and well they would probably mean nothing right now.

"I'm sorry."

Monday, July 11, 2011

Chapter Fifteen

Same Disclaimer applies...I own nothing.

Thanks to juliegirl18 for beta'ing for me. She works her butt off at work all week and still has time to fix my mistakes. ILY girl!

Thanks to sariedee for prereading for me and assuring me that I am doing the right thing with my writing. She's known my vision the whole time and has made me stick to my guns.

Thanks to Bella's Executioner for prereading. I am quite a few chapters ahead in writing and she told me that I forced her listen to a certain BSB song on repeat the other day after she preread a chapter for me. So, you've got that to look forward to, LOL.


I drove down the deserted road through the pouring rain entirely too fast. The steering wheel was gripped in my hands so tight that my knuckles were as white as snow. My foot was pushing the gas pedal further toward the floorboard as I watched the trees fly by out of the window.

I had no idea how long I had been driving or how far I'd gone. My mind wasn't on the road in front of me. I was constantly repeating our conversation over and over in my head.

What the fuck had I just done?

Did I just try to fuck Bella on the side of the road?

Did I just accuse Bella of cheating on me?

Did I just leave her on the side of the road in the pouring rain?

I moved my foot from the gas pedal and slammed down on the brakes. Gripping the wheel, I tried to maintain control of the car as it skidded to a stop sideways on the road.

I turned around quickly and made my way back to where I left my girlfriend on the side of the road...in the pouring rain.

What the fuck was wrong with me? What kind of person leaves the girl they supposedly love on the side of the road without a way home? How was I ever gonna get her to forgive me? She was gonna leave me for sure. I was gonna be all alone again. I didn't want to be alone again; I couldn't handle being alone again.

I came up on the abandoned barn that I remembered seeing when I left Bella and slowed down. She wasn't there. Where had she gone? What happened to her? Why did I leave her?

I pulled the car to the side of the road and jumped out, running over to where I left her standing. I stood there on the side of the road, rain pouring down on me and screamed her name over and over.

"Bella!" I screamed, my hands gripping my wet hair tightly.

"Bella!" I screamed again as I fell to my knees, the mud soaking quickly through my already soaked jeans.

I didn't know how long I knelt on the side of the road, but the rain hadn't let up a bit. I slowly stood up and made my way over to my car.

I looked around again, hoping I had just missed her the first time. Where the fuck was she? I needed to find her. I needed to make sure she was okay. I needed her to believe how fucking sorry I was.

"Goddammit!" I screamed as I punched the windshield of my car. I pulled my fist back and looked at the blood as it trickled down my knuckles. The pain in my knuckles felt nothing like the pain I felt when I thought about a life without Bella.

I got back in the car and decided the first place I needed to check was her house. I don't know how she could have gotten there so fast, but that was probably where she was at.

How did she get there?

Did someone pick her up?

Who picked her up?

What if they hurt her?

As the unwanted thoughts ran through my head, I raced down the road headed to her house. I just needed her to talk to me. I sped down her quiet street and pulled up just in time to see her getting out of Riley's car.

It had to be him, didn't it?

What did he have that I didn't?

She fucking called him, didn't she?

No, she didn't call him. She said herself that she didn't have her phone on her. I needed to calm down before I walked over to her. I needed her to listen to me. As he drove away, I opened my door and got out, quickly walking over to her.

"Bella!" I yelled. I saw her body physically stiffen when she heard my voice. She stood only a few feet away from me, but I'd never felt further away from her than I did in that moment. She stood frigidly, her back facing me as the rain fell hard all around us. I wanted to run to her and pull her in my arms and beg her to believe how sorry I was.

"What are you doing here?" she asked me, not bothering to turn around and face me. I could hear her voice shaking with emotion.

"I need to talk to you," I told her, stepping closer to her. She spun around quickly to face me, her face showing an emotion I'd never seen aimed at me.

"No, you don't get to talk to me anymore. Never. Never again," she gritted out. I felt the air sucked from around me as I fought to breathe. She couldn't leave me. I couldn't handle it.

"Bella, please! I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry!" I yelled over the thunder that had begun booming around us.

"Sorry doesn't help Edward! You left me on the side of the road in the pouring rain! I had no way to call anyone. Thankfully Riley thought to follow us out of the parking lot. He said he was worried about me. Thank God someone was!" I flinched back when she said his name, but knew that I should probably be thankful that he picked her up. I didn't even want to think about the possibility of her out there alone in this storm.

"Baby, please believe me. I'm so sorry. You have to believe me!"

"No, Edward. I no longer have to do anything for you. We're finished," she said before turning around and walking toward the house. I couldn't breathe. I ran toward her and fell on my knees, wrapping my arms around her legs.

"Bella, please. I'm sorry," I kept chanting over and over. She struggled a bit, but finally got out of my hold.

"Bella!" I screamed as my head dropped to the ground in front of me. I fisted my hands tightly in the mud surrounding me, the dirt mixing quickly with the blood still pouring from my knuckles.

"Bella!" I screamed as I thought about living my life without her. I didn't want to live in a world where I wasn't with her.

"Bella!" I screamed as I finally let the tears I had been holding back fall from my face. I heard her as she approached me. Her shoes came into my line of sight as she stood quietly by me.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? What did you do?" she asked me quietly.

"Bella, something's wrong with me. I don't feel right. Something's not right. I don't feel good," I mumbled to her.

"Baby, what did you do?" she asked me as she knelt down beside me. I looked into her eyes as the tears fell down her face.

"I stopped taking them. I just felt so good being with you, so I stopped. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be better," I told her. She stood up quickly and ran inside the house. She walked back out onto the porch and shielded herself from the rain as she put the phone to her ear. I tried not to listen, but caught bits and pieces of the conversation.

"He's here...don't know what's wrong...say's he stopped...Carlisle, I don't know..." she spoke quietly. With that one name, I knew what would happen. I couldn't go back there. I wouldn't.

I stood up quickly and looked over at her. Her eyes grew wide as she saw me backing up toward my car. I turned around and ran quickly, not knowing how close he already was to arriving.

"Edward, wait! No! Edward, don't leave!" I heard her yell before I slammed the door and sped off.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Chapter Fourteen

Same Disclaimer applies, as usual.

Thanks to juliegirl18, sariedee, Bella's Executioner and MandyLeigh87.

Here's an extra chapter this week. I thought you guys could use it.


I called Bella about fifty times within the first hour after she left. I knew I'd screwed up pretty fucking bad when she flipped me the bird out of Alice's car window as they backed out of the driveway. Hell, I knew I'd screwed up when I saw the tears streaming down her face as she stepped in the house.

Two days and probably five hundred calls later, I still hadn't spoken to her. I went over the night after she left, but Mrs. Hale said she had already gone to bed. I walked back to my car and sat there, parked on the side of the street and camped out. I waited as long as I could for her to come out, but when it came time for me to go to work and she still hadn't come out, I left. She'd probably seen me out of her bedroom window and refused to leave.

I had even begged Alice to let me use her cell phone to call her. I figured she was screening her calls and just wouldn't answer for my number. I'd decided that if I called from Alice's phone she would answer and I could talk to her. I didn't even care at this point if I got a word in edgewise. I just felt like I couldn't breathe anymore if I didn't hear her voice.

Alice had refused me though. She was pretty damn pissed at me too. Not for forgetting to pick Bella up, but for what I said to her. In all the months Bella and I had been together, I had never spoken to her like that before. I hated myself for it.

Today I had finally decided I'd had enough. I needed to see her, to talk to her and explain what was going on. I missed her laugh. I missed her smell. Hell, I just missed her.

I drove down the street headed to the high school, hoping she wouldn't deny me. Alice had been taking Bella home ever since our argument, so I decided to show up after school and surprise her. I knew Alice had some kind of club meeting after school, which meant Bella would have to wait around for her to get done. I hoped she would come home with me so we could talk and of course, make up.

I parked at the far end of the lot and watched the students trickle out of the buildings. When most of the cars had left, I began to get a little worried. I knew Bella had no idea I was here so she couldn't have been hiding from me. Just when I had decided to get out of the car and go look for her, I saw her walking toward the lot...with a guy.

I ducked down in the seat a little, afraid that she might see me. Of course the fact that she would recognize my car hadn't crossed my mind. I watched her as she walked closely beside him toward some shitty older model car. When they reached the car, she reached her hand up and placed it on his bicep. She said something to him and I saw him smile widely as she tipped her head back and laughed.

He wanted to fuck her. He probably already had fucked her. That's why I hadn't been able to get a hold of her. She hadn't been able to wait a goddamn week before she let some other mother fucker stick his cock in her.

He reached his hand up toward her face and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. Bella reached up and placed her hand over his. Before they could do anything further, I'd gotten out of my car and jogged over to where they were.

"Bella," I said as calmly as I could at the moment. She spun around quickly, the fucker's hand falling from her face. Her eyes grew wide in shock and she knew she'd been caught. There was no way she could explain what the fuck I'd just witnessed.

"Edward. What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Well, since I hadn't talked to you in a few days I figured I'd surprise you. Looks like I did just that," I said, eyeballing the prick behind her. He looked nervous as he looked anywhere but at me.

"Well, Riley said that he could take me home," she started, but I interrupted her.

"Get in the car, Bella," I told her, not waiting for an answer before turning and walking away. I could hear her behind me, trying to reassure Riley that she'd be fine with me. Of course she'd be fine with me. I'd never hurt her.

I got in the car, slammed the door, and watched Bella walk slowly toward me. She opened the door and got inside, not speaking a word to me. I sat still for a few minutes, trying to calm my nerves. Matching my current mood, suddenly the skies opened up and it began to pour down rain.

I started the car and sped down the street, taking the back way back to my house. I needed to calm down before I even tried to talk to Bella. I felt like I could snap the steering wheel in half right now. I was gripping it so tightly that my knuckles were white.

"Edward?" Bella questioned quietly. I sighed loudly and pulled over to the side of the road. It was pouring so hard now that I could hardly see so I figured I might as well get it over with. Once I was pulled safely off the road, I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry about what I said the other day. That's why I was calling you the past two days. I wanted to apologize. I know I fucked up and I'm sorry," I told her honestly. She reached over and placed her hand over mine.

"Thank you," she whispered. I hadn't even bothered to open my eyes yet and knew I didn't want to look at her face when I asked her.

"Who was he, Bella?" I asked her calmly. I already had it figured out in my head that he was the current guy she was fucking. I just needed her to say it.

"Riley is just a friend, Edward," she said, squeezing my hand. I opened my eyes and looked over at her.

"Weren't we just friends at first, too?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow. She shook her head and reached up to cup my cheek.

"Yeah, but it's different with you. I don't love him. I love you," she whispered as she leaned across the console and kissed me. I groaned loudly, missing the feel of her lips against mine.

I reached up and gripped her hair tightly in my hand, pulling her closer to me while pushing my tongue inside her mouth. Never breaking our kiss, I slid one hand down her stomach and popped the button on her jeans. Bella pushed my hand away, but continued kissing me.

Not discouraged by her pushing my hand away, I used the same hand to unbutton my jeans. Once I had them open and pulled my dick out of my pants, I reached over to pull her onto my lap. Bella placed her hands on my shoulders and began to push me.

"Edward! Edward stop!" she said once she broke away from me. I continued to try to pull her to my lap, ready to fuck her like I'd wanted to do for the past two days. Frustrated, I finally let her go.

"I'm not gonna fuck you on the side of the damn road, Edward," she said loudly as she buttoned her jeans back up. I looked at her, my eyes narrowed and my breathing heavy. I knew she was fucking him. That had to be it.

"I bet if it was that fucker Riley you'd be all over his dick right now," I growled at her. Her jaw dropped open and she reached to slap me. I caught her wrist in my hand before it made contact with my cheek.

"Don't be ridiculous! You know I'd never cheat on you!" she yelled. I'd just about had enough of her lies.

"Yeah right. You expect me to believe that? I saw the way you were all over each other earlier." She had the nerve to laugh at me when I said that.

"You are so fucking crazy!" she yelled. She knew that I hated it when anyone called me crazy, but she went ahead and did it anyway. I'd finally had enough of her for today.

"Get out," I told her calmly, pointing at the passenger door. She didn't move to get out, only stared at me.

"Get out, Bella," I said a little louder this time.

"Edward, you can't be serious," she stuttered out. I looked at her, letting the anger show on my face.

"I am completely serious. Get out of my car, Bella." Her eyes filled with tears, but I had no pity for her at this moment. She had successfully pissed me off.

"You can't kick me out! It's pouring down rain! We're miles from home! I don't even have my phone on me, Edward!" she yelled at me. I gripped the steering wheel tightly in my hands as she sat next to me and cried.

"I said get the fuck out!" I yelled at her, finally fed up with her bullshit. I saw her flinch back as my loud voice filled the interior of the car. She quickly gathered her things and opened the door, stepping out into the pouring rain. She looked at me one last time before slamming the door behind her.

I put the car back into gear and slammed my foot to the gas, spinning my wheels and leaving her stranded on the side of the road. I didn't even look in my rear view mirror once, knowing that if I did, I would see her standing on the side of the road, soaking wet with tears running down her face.

That was something I didn't really need or want to see.